Mostly filling space
Background TV is the underrated one.
A TV on that no one is really watching is associated with less back-and-forth talk and more disrupted play. Marie Evans Schmidt and Heather Kirkorian's work suggests the harm here can be quieter, and arguably larger, than a show the child is actually engaged with. Your child isn't watching it, but it's still pulling at the room.
One adjustment: turn it off when no one is actively watching. The quiet usually fills back up with talk on its own.
Doing real work
This is close to reading a book together.
When an adult watches alongside and talks about what's happening, screens shift toward what researchers call joint media engagement. The video deficit shrinks, because the screen now sits inside a real conversation. You're the bridge between what's on screen and the world.
One adjustment: keep narrating in plain turns. "What do you think happens next?" does more than the show does alone.
A tool, used on purpose
A reset in a hard moment is allowed.
Handing over a tablet to help a flooded child settle is a reasonable tool, not a failure. It only becomes worth a second look if it's the main way big feelings get resolved most days, because then it can crowd out practice with frustration. One hard afternoon is not a pattern.
One adjustment: notice what happens afterward. If transitions off the device are rough, give a clear ending up front next time.
In a category of its own
A real-time call is barely "screen time" at all.
Bidirectional video calls work differently from passive video. When a grandparent responds in real time to what your child does and says, the exchange resembles a real conversation, the contingent, back-and-forth quality that early learning is built on. The AAP treats live video chat as a reasonable exception even for the youngest children.
One adjustment: nothing needed. Maybe hand the child something to show the screen, so the call stays a two-way thing.
Working against the night
The timing is the part to look at.
A fast-paced app close to bedtime tends to make winding down harder: the content is exciting and the device is hard to put away. The concern here is less the app itself than what it's displacing, which is sleep. Protecting the wind-down is one of the higher-value moves you can make.
One adjustment: move the device out of the bedtime hour, and trade it for something slower if a screen is still needed.